Growth

I'm pretty proud of this. It is created with Painter 11, the new program I'm trying.  I'm finding that I like it enough to buy it once the trial period is over.  I'm having a small problem that I hope I can overcome where the program is erasing instead of painting and will not allow me to paint over the erased area.  (see the triangular void at the top of the flower in the back.)  

In other matters - I've been thinking about the concept of being entitled (Thank you Azure).  Not entitled in the usual sense - where you think you deserve to be treated better than everyone else in the entire world.  I struggle with being able to think of myself as being entitled to the things that anyone else is. I am tired of only allowing myself the scraps.

Though it seems like it would be very easy to overcome - it is being very, very difficult for me. I won't go into the reasons why I got here - That part I'm very clear about.  It is the self-doubt and second guessing that I am trying to notice and act on.  My increasing self-confidence as an artist is really helping me to feel more confident in my ability to trust my judgement.

Creativity Sucks

I am working on a design for  Leah Day's Transformation Quilt Challenge.  Leah has challenged us to create a small quilt with the theme of transformation - "the art of challenge and change" - Just settling on a design might qualify by itself.  The other requirement is that the quilt encompass at least 5 of her quilting designs.

My concept is a simple one - a sprouted acorn that will be shadowed by the tree that it will become.

I have been obsessed. Each version is a variation on the one before.  I like the ideas that I am having, but haven't gotten it right yet.  One of the things that makes me nuts is that I could happily make ten versions of the original idea and be happy enough with the direction that each has taken and, at the same time, be unhappy with them all.

I am also learning a new paint program at the same time - which makes everything harder for now.  I've found a few bugs that are making me nuts - what I don't know is if the bugs are in me or in the program.

I'm finally doing this

Sooo - I've been on a five year plan for about seven years now to become more invested in my creative process.  I've finally finished with the - "gee I wish I could be an artist" stage and have realized that anyone who wishes to define themselves as an artist can do so...and that my artistic vision does not have to measure up to or match that of anyone else.

About three years ago I realized that in order to do the things I could see myself doing,  I needed to stop procrastinating, looking at the work others were doing and wishing I were that skilled.  What I really needed was... [you've heard this before] practice, practice, practice. With the encouragement of my daughter, a beautifully talented artist, and the guidance of a wonderful teacher, I have managed to bring myself to the point of feeling competent in my chosen field of expression. Leah Day and other bloggers been a great source of inspiration - bless you.

My biggest problem is that of time, time, time and time.  I work full time and return home exhausted every day.  I fight to find time to sit in my "studio" and realize a small percentage of the myriad ideas that crowd my head.

I envision this blog as a way that I can share some of my process (and some of the results) as I continue to grow.